This weekend was my first time to attend a TAPS event. TAPS=Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. They had a Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp at Fort Riley, Kansas, this past weekend. I attended along with my parents, siblings, niece and nephews.
It is a bit difficult to describe the weekend. Since it involved a lot of tears and many emotions, I hesitate to call it a "good" time. But it was good. As I was driving back to Oklahoma afterward, I was trying to think of an adequate description of what the weekend was like for me...And I think I came up with one. Please bear with me as I try to explain..... Have you ever cooked a microwavable entree? You know, the ones that come with clear plastic tightly sealed over the top? The ones you are supposed to jab a few times with a fork or knife to perforate before you start to cook it? Okay, so you know what I am talking about. I feel like those microwavable entrees are a pretty good picture of my grief. How? Well, first of all, anyone who knows me at all, or even reads my blog, follows me on twitter, or is friends with me on facebook, knows I lost my brother Jack just a few months ago, on September 29, 2009. So, much like a microwavable dinner with the clear plastic covering, my grief is visible to those who care to check. And there have been "perforations" - such as the memorial for Jack at Fort Lewis, his funeral, a song on the radio, a conversation that did or didn't happen, etc.; these perforations allowed some of my grief to seep out here and there. And this weekend? Well, it was like when you take that dish out of the microwave and first peel back one corner of the clear plastic. You know how the steam rushes out? This weekend was like that for my grief. It rushed out a bit. And it was somewhat of a relief. I know that it was just a small "corner" that was peeled back, and there's lots more grief where that came from, but it was a release of some pressure. So, maybe my eyes were swollen for the next twenty-four hours...That's a small price to pay for finding some relief, a bit of a release, from the grief I carry inside.
Here are some photos from the weekend:
My nephew Daxon on the bus-ride to the base; my dad and mom...
My nephew DJ, my brother Abe, my nephew Jace, me, my sis Amber, my niece Laila, my sis Mandi, my dad, my mom...
They had essential stuff for us on the tables, including these, of course...
We all made name signs so it would be easy to get to know one another...
There were also pipe cleaners, candy, and play-doh for us to fiddle with/enjoy. Smarties were some of Jack's favorite candy, and I twisted his name while listening to one of the speakers...
This is Darcie. She led the seminar, and she was awesome! She said some things, out loud in front of everyone, that I thought I had only felt in my heart. And she was hilarious!! {Sorry I caught you mid-sentence here, Darcie.}
This guy was pretty cool, too. Now, I know nothing about medical stuff, so I might have jumbled this in my brain, but I am pretty sure he told us that he had technically been dead for something crazy like fifteen minutes before he was revived! He offered to answer any questions from us about that whole experience.
Here is Abe molding some play-doh while listening intently...
And here's a little dude I shaped...
While we were doing our seminar, the kids were all enjoying the Good Grief Camp. Here's a pic Laila snapped of DJ writing a note to Jack. They tied the notes to balloons and let them go.
We did the same thing. I liked that our notes were written on tissue paper, since I figured that would disintegrate before it would end up in a stranger's hands. Here are some images from our balloon release, which was perhaps my favorite part of the day.
They had some old school Cavalry horses and tents there to show the kids...
Jace made a new friend, and got some signatures on his arms: one sig was the K State mascot, the other was a K State football player! TAPS and Fort Riley really went all out to make this a special, healing day for the kids!!
DJ and Laila met football players and hung out with soldiers also. And they made this very cool collage all about Jack. Didn't they do an awesome job??
Here are some of the great soldiers who volunteered their time that day to hang out with the teens and kids!
I'll end with an image from the slide show of fallen heroes...
If you are still reading, I just want to say thank you! You might have noticed that this blog has taken a subtle change in direction lately. I have been posting more personal stuff than I ever shared before, and I am really loving having this outlet to share and record my feelings. I appreciate all of you who will stick through this change and growth with me.
Love,
~abi~
It is a bit difficult to describe the weekend. Since it involved a lot of tears and many emotions, I hesitate to call it a "good" time. But it was good. As I was driving back to Oklahoma afterward, I was trying to think of an adequate description of what the weekend was like for me...And I think I came up with one. Please bear with me as I try to explain..... Have you ever cooked a microwavable entree? You know, the ones that come with clear plastic tightly sealed over the top? The ones you are supposed to jab a few times with a fork or knife to perforate before you start to cook it? Okay, so you know what I am talking about. I feel like those microwavable entrees are a pretty good picture of my grief. How? Well, first of all, anyone who knows me at all, or even reads my blog, follows me on twitter, or is friends with me on facebook, knows I lost my brother Jack just a few months ago, on September 29, 2009. So, much like a microwavable dinner with the clear plastic covering, my grief is visible to those who care to check. And there have been "perforations" - such as the memorial for Jack at Fort Lewis, his funeral, a song on the radio, a conversation that did or didn't happen, etc.; these perforations allowed some of my grief to seep out here and there. And this weekend? Well, it was like when you take that dish out of the microwave and first peel back one corner of the clear plastic. You know how the steam rushes out? This weekend was like that for my grief. It rushed out a bit. And it was somewhat of a relief. I know that it was just a small "corner" that was peeled back, and there's lots more grief where that came from, but it was a release of some pressure. So, maybe my eyes were swollen for the next twenty-four hours...That's a small price to pay for finding some relief, a bit of a release, from the grief I carry inside.
Here are some photos from the weekend:
My nephew Daxon on the bus-ride to the base; my dad and mom...
My nephew DJ, my brother Abe, my nephew Jace, me, my sis Amber, my niece Laila, my sis Mandi, my dad, my mom...
They had essential stuff for us on the tables, including these, of course...
We all made name signs so it would be easy to get to know one another...
There were also pipe cleaners, candy, and play-doh for us to fiddle with/enjoy. Smarties were some of Jack's favorite candy, and I twisted his name while listening to one of the speakers...
This is Darcie. She led the seminar, and she was awesome! She said some things, out loud in front of everyone, that I thought I had only felt in my heart. And she was hilarious!! {Sorry I caught you mid-sentence here, Darcie.}
This guy was pretty cool, too. Now, I know nothing about medical stuff, so I might have jumbled this in my brain, but I am pretty sure he told us that he had technically been dead for something crazy like fifteen minutes before he was revived! He offered to answer any questions from us about that whole experience.
Here is Abe molding some play-doh while listening intently...
And here's a little dude I shaped...
While we were doing our seminar, the kids were all enjoying the Good Grief Camp. Here's a pic Laila snapped of DJ writing a note to Jack. They tied the notes to balloons and let them go.
We did the same thing. I liked that our notes were written on tissue paper, since I figured that would disintegrate before it would end up in a stranger's hands. Here are some images from our balloon release, which was perhaps my favorite part of the day.
They had some old school Cavalry horses and tents there to show the kids...
Jace made a new friend, and got some signatures on his arms: one sig was the K State mascot, the other was a K State football player! TAPS and Fort Riley really went all out to make this a special, healing day for the kids!!
DJ and Laila met football players and hung out with soldiers also. And they made this very cool collage all about Jack. Didn't they do an awesome job??
Here are some of the great soldiers who volunteered their time that day to hang out with the teens and kids!
I'll end with an image from the slide show of fallen heroes...
If you are still reading, I just want to say thank you! You might have noticed that this blog has taken a subtle change in direction lately. I have been posting more personal stuff than I ever shared before, and I am really loving having this outlet to share and record my feelings. I appreciate all of you who will stick through this change and growth with me.
Love,
~abi~
8 comments:
i've always thought you were a great writer, but this is exceptional! awesome analogy. and you know, i can't imagine what the balloon event must have felt like... all the emotions involved, but what a great physical way to "release". to know that this weekend was a positive one, and such a big step for you and your family makes me proud and joyful for you guys. God is working through and through. love you!
Glad you enjoyed the time. It is good to have a good support group when your having a tough time. It is even more important to be able to express your feelings and talk about what your experiencing. Not only that, knowing that there is a program where you can discuss your loss with others that are going through similar issues is key. This was a great edition to your blog.
Amazing Blog my friend.
Beautifully written! I'm glad y'all had a place to go. I'm sure it was difficult at times. Hang in there sweet friend! God is guiding you through this situation! Love you
1st) i was happy to get the hear about how your weekend went, i've been wondering since you mentioned you'd be going.
2nd) i thought the tv dinner was an amazing visual image you provided us, and it truly shows your creativity.
3rd) i shed tears begining with the picture with jack's name written in pipecleaners.
4th) it sounds like the people who put this on are really good at what they do.
5th) LOVED the ballon release.
6th) getting willie the wildcat's signiture on your arm is pretty cool.
7th) thank you. to you and your famliy. for sharing this terribly difficult time with us. i thankful to God for giving your family this time together.
Loved the word picture you painted about your grief. I love the personal touch to your blogging. You're very good at writing! I really don't know what to say, other than I'm so happy for your guys that they put that out there for you. Kudos to the army! And kudos to you guys for going!
Always thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your life and heart with us all.
May Jesus continue to love you and protect you and allow you the time to tear the corners so that more steam and pressure is released.
Blessings,
Cheryl
Abi,
I remember first reading about your brother's death. It brought tears to my eyes because I hate seeing people, whether I know them or not go through this kind of pain. You are a very strong person with a strong will.
Reading this entry, has once again brought tears to my eyes, but ones of happiness for you as you go through the healing process. The images of the balloons floating away speaks so much to me.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope to never face what you have gone through especially since so many of my close friends, who are like family are military. You are truly an inspiration!
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